beautiful

i live for worship songs like this...this is why music is so amazing. God gives someone words you can never come up with yourself, melodies and instruments and words create an amazing presence in which we can sit and touch God.

i watched an inteview on kari jobe's new website and love the i've "found" someone who loves peaceful songs. its mostly what i listen to, and so does she. there is something about meeting God in the quiet moments. i can't wait to bring this song to our body...i find myself developing a heart for women and leading them in worship..i'm trying to filter that thought/emotion today to know if its just a mood, or if God is doing something here...we'll see. check out this song though..the title is fitting in many ways.

"Beautiful" - Listen here

Here, before Your altar,
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden,
everything that's of myself.
and I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are.

beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say
beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me

oh beautiful

here in Your presence,
I am not afraid of brokenness
to wash Your feet with humble tears
oh I would be poured out till nothing's left.
and I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are, who You are

Beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say
beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me

oh Lord You're beautiful, beautiful beautiful
holy holy holy You are You are
holy holy holy You are You are
holy holy holy You are You are
holy holy holy You are You are

beautiful, beautiful oh I am lost for more to say
beautiful, beautiful oh Lord, You're beautiful to me

and I just wanna wait on You my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are.

10 random observations

1 - i ran my best of my 3 miles yesterday and did 11 min. miles, completing 3 miles in 33 minutes. i'm not up to running the entire time, but did get 3/4 mile runs in for each mile. needless to say i'm pumped

2 - had dinner tonight with our district superintendent. we're blessed to be serving under such a man of God who genuinely cares for us and how we're doing here and would take time out of his schedule to meet us for dinner in our town. he is encouraging...

3 - several shows make me cry on a regular basis - the biggest loser (which i balled at tonight), grey's anatomy, private practice and so you think you can dance (when the dancing is so beautiful and i'm jealous at the desire to be a part of something like that)

4 - i hate how i feel after some of those shows when it brings forth grief and i feel myself sliding away from a good day.

5 - i desperately need a chiropractic appointment

6 - i would love the cleaning fairy to come tonight while i'm sleeping

7 - i'm looking forward the district ladies retreat next month in myrtle beach

8 - i wish i would loosen up some more...no, actually i wish i would feel comfortable enough to let out what's underneath sometimes...i'm much stiffer on the outside than i really am

9 - my sons follow in their father's accident proneness steps (yes those are all words and make sense)

10 - HE created my inmost being and knit me together, took time out of his universe to say my name and think me important enough. gave me thought and crafted me by hand. (that's a good one!)

the more i seek you

"the more i seek you" - kari jobe (part of Christ for the Nations Institute) i just found this song today. really like Christ for the Nations, but hadn't heard this. its older, but the live version is just gorgeous! i can't tell you how many times i've listened to this over and over again. i have to admit its the first time in a couple of days that i really felt like i was sitting in his presence REALLY worshipping....i LOOONG to be a part of these type of worship services. (who doesn't i guess right?). but stuff like this video remind me of the passion conference ben and i attended in TN several years back. i could sit in those types of places for days, listening to thousands singing, being a part of creating such a gorgeous sound. anyway. that was just a ramble to say that God presence flows from this song and it was GREAT to have this cross my path today...

take a listen.

Life in the pavement

(i first have to say i had so many words to put down on paper this morning after my run and had hoped to get right to the computer when i got home, but here i am, 10pm...and hoping the thoughts come forth as clearly as they did this morning)

so i've picked up a new "hobby" of running since being down here. i call it my sanctuary as its been a place to escape the reality of things most the time, reality of being in a brand new city where we don't have any friends or any current church to plug into, any families for my kids to play with, the reality that we're so far from home..that we sometimes feel out of our minds with the faith we're walking in, that my sister is gone, that we have a house in MI still to sell...and its usually a break from the apartment i often feel stuck in 7 days a week. most importantly, its quiet, where i can talk with my Father and lay all the fears, the angers out...thank Him for the joyful moments, for the encouragements, for the sunshine, for the wind in my face, for the shade the trees give when i'm in need of a break from the sun on the hot days.

so today i was listening to the shane and shane album "pages" and they have a piano interlude on there (called interlude) that is really short, but just beautiful..really matched the day and it became my theme song (which i often stumble across sometime during my run and listen to several times) for the day. God began to speak to me and i discovered how much life there was in the pavement i was running on.

my running is a good metaphor for my journey right now...not running the whole 3 miles, but pushing myself to go as long as i can. and i often feel so tired, i just want to stop, but there is something inside me telling me i can go further, don't quit now, there's more in you..it's Him. and just like Him the pavement is constantly in my face..some days it feels freeing, some days feels like a big hurdle or even burden i have to overcome or push through..but every time i make the choice to meet it at the park it's there...looks the same, treats me the same, it doesn't change. sometimes running on it feels harder than the day before, but it's the same as the day before. and as difficult as the effort sometimes feels to get myself there, i never walk away from meeting it disappointed, always rejuvenated, encouraged, head held up like i have something to give the world. and sometimes right now i feel like its my closest friend, and as i thought that as i was running today i heard God say i AM your closest friend.

so i press into it...my feet pound into the pavement, over and over. i stare it in the face and lay down all i bring to it at its feet and walk away changed every time. that's my sanctuary. i was on my way home today and thought this is my motivation to keep going back. it's LIFE to me. i have to have these times with God, especially now, especially here.

on a complete side note, i (again) felt impressed when i was listening today that Ben should write a book..he is SO gifted with words and a beautiful writer...and he has a perspective no one else does, and the world needs this...so keep an eye out. i think God will begin doing a work in him to do so (although he's felt impressed himself before, i think God is going to start nudging).

if you've made it to the end of this long post, listen to the interlude here and take a second to be quiet before God and see what He may be speaking about to you in the silence.

i love my sensitive boy

dylan watched "land before time" today during his rest time in bed. i let him watch it in mom and dad's room, so he laid on the bed while i continued our vacation search on the computer. i love that movie! it was the first one i saw in the theatre when i was little, with my mom. when he notices someone dying or hurt, he often asks if they are going to be with jesus, because that's what he knows about aunt lisa. that she's in heaven with jesus. so he commented often in the movie about the dinosaur that dies and kept mentioning how the baby was sad cause his mommy was in heaven.

well the movie got done and dylan and i were playing thomas trains. i mention the next three things in order...he had to get up to go potty, so he went and as he's standing going, he says. mom, we need to clean this soon (meaning the toilet) - which i will tell you has been cleaned recently :), but i found myself laughing at his choice of words. he sits back down to play with me and begins to talk again about how sad the baby dinosaur was that his mommy had to go up to heaven to be with jesus (and he's starting to seriously tear up). i agreed and he says, he went to heaven just like daddy..i responded, no dylan, daddy isn't in heaven. lisa is in heaven with jesus..and he says (now crying softly) "oh yah, that's right mom, she's with jesus, that makes me so sad" ....AND i lose it! and he immediately gets concerned and says "its ok mom, its ok....you sad?" i said yes, that makes me sad too. i quickly pull myself together and he continues "its ok mommy...you keep your pants dry?" (and i bust out laughing) you have to understand we've been really praising him for doing so well with the potty, so he talks like that a lot when he wakes from his nap dry....oh the laughter and the tears this afternoon...i'm so grateful to have shared that moment with him tho. not that i want him sad, but that i want her to be missed by him..i want her to have meant something in his life, and i'm grateful that he remembers and that God has given him a sensitive heart.

ok, i'm off to build a tent with blankets and play cars in it!

not me monday!

so i just found another blogger that has a neat site and have entered a not me monday contest on there...check her site out here

find it pretty interesting that its called no me monday...i've felt just like that all day today. not me right, not me, not now, not this...chuck it up to being a monday? lol..hope so!

we came, he met

this morning was amazing! really. i feel like its been our best service so far. don't hear that like a superficial judging thing...when your having church in your home with 10 other people, it's VERY intimate...it feels much like a small group so sometimes takes something amazing for everyone to feel fully comfortable. this isn't a place you just come to and show up to..it requires you to engage. well everyone was "here" today. i was blessed to see the songs God used to minister to me during preparation seemed to be what others needed this morning as well. we had a great time of prayer and concluded with a great time of reflection discussion...we came..he met...loved it!

the way he encourages us

its been cold and rainy here for the last few days and my mood has felt about the same. not cold..but just gloomy, wishing God would drop the perfect friend in my lap (or bring the one here closer :). i sat preparing worship for tomorrow and came across a song i've heard but have never done and haven't heard much called "revelation song" by Christ for the Nations. you can listen to it here. (sidenote: i LOVE the background pic for that site..i love this type of activism and told ben we'll need to do something like this here when we do an event - i believe it was in D.C. "protesting" abortion). but anyway, i sat listening to this song and felt such immense peace..its so musically beautiful. then i sat thinking how these words relate to my life today..with how i'm feeling..."you are my everything and i will adore you." i don't feel like i'm adoring much today...actually doesn't feel like my everything today..but i found myself engulfed in worship as i listened...and then i moved onto "God of our yesterdays", which you can listen to here. i love this song...love it. such a great reminder for those hard days and what the good days ahead hold..nothing different than the hard ones. sometimes it feels that way, i won't deny that, but my experience tells me otherwise so i remind myself of that. i'm grateful for the times that he allows these things to be life giving, even in their preparation...
we'll see what he has for us tomorrow.

friends, where art thou

so today we hit the wall i think. not terribly but i/we are really in need of some friends here...the last 7 weeks spending most all the time by ourselves is starting to get to everybody in the fam. dylan is in DESPERATE need of some interaction outside of this house. he's really been acting up this last week. we just don't even have a yard to do something in and i'm starting to feel frustrated at the smallest things due to lack of time outside of this apartment. what to do? nothing. we can't do a thing. its going to take time...quite a bit of time when you come to a town where you know no one to start a church with no current attendees...at least when we moved to bedford we walked into a church family and were already surrounded with a group of people with whom we could develop relationships.
i was driving today considering attending all the events i was hearing on the christian radio station just for some interaction..then i thought, how hilarious. not quite sure where to go from here, but i'm hoping God brings someone along our way soon for the sake of all of us. i'm starting to feel bad that dylan doesn't have anyone to play with. Lord, please bring some friends our way...

tired

i'm so tired today. for some reason these last two nights i have been exhausted and yet find myself wide awake late at night. last night was no different and i had to get up and going to teach my computer class at the academy. i had a first grader come in and walk right to me with flowers and a card he made with is picture on it to say thank you for being his teacher...made me feel like i was doing something right. came home to two exhausted kids and now they're both napping after some crying, and no's. ben is in columbia today meeting with 6 other pastors and the d.s. at the district office for their monthly "mentoring session". the d.s. picks 7 pastors a year to do this with each year, i'm excited about this for him.

we had our first real church visitor this last sunday. someone here in aiken who came to find out about us through his dad (who lives in a city a couple hrs. away) who heard about us through the district. we were so excited to have him and i really feel like he is one of the reasons we're here. someone who needs our community, an up and down pattern and walk in his life that he is open about and think he's searching for meaning. this excites me and i find myself assured again by God about us being here!

well, i'm off for a nap...its been raining here for a couple days. so i haven't been running since sat. i'm feeling so lazy today i hear choc. icecream calling my name and am fearful i'm about to cave....

thankfullness

so last night i found myself up til 2am, just totally awake, so messing around on the computer, to finally give in thinking if i layed down i'd be tired...didn't happen and then found myself up at 7am with grahm this morning. i'm exhausted to say the least..however again i'm at the computer and i'm thankful. know this is random but this is all this tired brain has after 4 hours of sleep. our printer stopped working earlier this week, i dreaded the thought of having to spend more money on something like that (our vaccuum decided to completely quite on us a couple weeks ago). but last night in the middle of doing some stuff, i had to restart the computer and when it came back on, our printer started printing again! i'm reminded of this because it's sitting in front of my face, but i'm so thankful! i know it seems like such an odd thing and maybe small to be excited about, but when you've been given back something so necessary for us right now (we have to print off words for church worship), its a big deal.

what else has been given to me, necessary or not that i've overlooked being thankful for or recognizing it was his hand who's given it? got me thinking....

here we go

so i've noticed most of my friends have moved to this website, and in efforts to restart my own blogging and to stay up to date not just on their daily status, but meaningful issues, family life, struggles and joys, and to share our life here in SC with family and friends, here we go....