days like these make the rainbow look bright

its funny...i've been meaning to write a new blog and i knew i had started one and saved the draft to finish later, but had forgotten what it was about. i sat tonight to finish that entry and when i came back to it, all that was there was a title "days like these make the rainbow look bright"......i have no idea what i was planning to follow that with but it made me smile. it said something to me, particularly in circumstances we learned about and are now walking in today.

today isn't one of those "seeing the rainbow days" but i'm reminded that the rainbow is always there. all we have to do is allow the Son to shine on our rain and there it is. in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of clouds and rain, he does something beautiful when we take our eyes off what appears to be hopeless or discouraging and look to the Light...that's when you'll see a rainbow..that's when you'll be reminded of His promise...and that's when you'll discover that days like these make the rainbow look bright.

so im turning my face towards the Son, so i can see the rainbow....

just 6 weeks

six weeks from today i'll be hopping on a plane with just my man to enjoy a LONG awaited vacation. i have to admit, it's much of what i think about these days. it's the sunshine. not that i'm sitting here drowning in darkness...it's just stress..but feel like we've been sitting in this stress for the last two years of our life...in a matter of 4 weeks i had a baby, ben resigned from his pastorate with no awaiting job/income, we put our home up for sale, i suddenly found myself without my sister and we were having our first meeting in SC. it was every major stressor on "the list" other than a divorce, which i remember jokingly telling ben he didn't want to try that with me right then :). felt like my/our life flipped upside down in one month and sometimes i feel like i haven't recovered...it just went from there. one whirlwind after another..one adjustment after another. for fear of sounding pitiful i won't list them, but sometimes i feel like i haven't really been able to catch my breath since that all happened.

i continue to see God's had in our life. this vacation is one of those that i can now see the reason for the timing..the reason why we started planning when we did, so it would be that we'd take it now. we need it (and i know, who doesn't need a vacation, we all do). but we need it. feel like we need to regroup, refresh, have 2 min. of freetime to step back and breathe in this "new" reality of our life (all of it really)....and my marriage needs it. don't hear that wrong :) to say the last two years has brought a lot of stress is an understatement. God has been so faithful in our relationship, and I'm still amazed by a couple of things 1 - how gracious, loving and patient my husband has been with me and 2 - that God would bless me with a man such as he.

really grateful when God allows me to see His hand at work, when your feeling like your down to the last thread....God i can hold on for six more weeks, but you really did bring it at just the right time. he really does go before us, he really does provide what we need JUST when we need it. it's not always 10 days, but this time, i'm thankful for his extra big measure of grace and blessing to grant it to me.

Where You Go I Go

a couple of months ago i got hooked on a worship song called "where you go i go" by kim walker (jesus culture). i've brought it to our community, but we sang it a lot at home at the time and before i knew it, grahm was picking it up. pretty simple words and most he could say pretty well, and one day he just busted out singing "where you go i go, what you say i say"...the first half of which he tends to like to repeat over and over and then adds in the second part when he's in the mood to actually sing the whole thing. of course there are all sorts of things i learned in that moment...i have to admit, i LOVE that my children pick that type of thing up! the lyrics are so powerful:

"where you go i go, what you say i say, what you pray i pray...jesus only did, what he saw you do, he would only speak, what he heard you speak, he would only move when he felt you lead, following your heart, following your spirit"

oh for my life to be nothing other than that, not speaking a word unless God spoke it first in me, ect...and then one day, i saw the song illustrated in a whole new light as the boys were playing. funny enough, grahm started singing the song shortly before the boys began playing together (which they have been doing so much more lately, and in an actual enjoyable manner...ok i've sidetracked).

Dylan jumped...
And so Grahm jumped...
Dylan demonstrated his super jumping powers by jumping over grahms table...so grahm of course had to give it a try...God reminded me in this moment what all us parents know, but don't always remember. and that is HOW MUCH we influence our children..their habits, their words, their actions, their REACTIONS and their priorities. just as grahm is on the heels of dylan these days, dylan is on our heels...i want to be a mom who speaks what God is speaking inside of me, to my children...to lead them where God is leading them.

And then i felt challenged by the moment..do i react to God like grahm reacts to dylan? is my priority to be on the heels of what he's doing, are my words his words? sometimes going where God is going is difficult, its a jump for Him....its sometimes awkward, climbing over and balancing on top, while my legs dangle on each side of the table as i safely get to the other side, for me...regardless of what it looks like, are you willing to make the journey?

i continue to be amazed at the ways God speaks to me through my children.

beds, pillows and superheros

i spent a lot of my afternoon today cleaning,

picking up and doing laundry. dylan
sat at the computer
in our room
playing thomas the train (of course with grahm by his side watching)
while i started changing the sheets on our bed

and
suddenly i found myself enjoying
special moments with the boys. i have some
really soft flannel sheets i was putting on
and i could no more than get the fitted sheet on then find
them both crawling on top wanting to play.
i felt that doer in me want to tell them to get off so i could
continue accomplishing my tasks for the day
and then i remembered how much
more important these times are than my house to do list

we don't allow them to jump on the beds,
but falling and bouncing are perfectly acceptable :)

i loved watching them play so well together,
laugh, and watch grahm try and do EVERY thing dylan did
down to the words he was saying...i heard a lot of
"watch, watch, watch"

eventually they wore themselves out and i
was able to finish
making the bed. and then i got an idea. i told
dylan to grab a couple of the pillows and we made our way out to
the living room for our first pillow fight

grahm even tried participating...and then
they decided running into each other with their pillows
was much funnier.

they did this til they couldn't breathe
anymore from laughter, falling down every time
and of course nothing is
complete in our home these days without a superhero

to say dylan has been obsessed with all things
superhero lately is an understatement.
he's dubbed himself, super dylan, and more recently
superman dylan, because he's learned that
superman has a secret identity and no
one knows its really him when he goes and changes into his costume.
so tonight he had to have a cape
and do a little flying (although i don't encourage jumping off the couch
on a regular basis, i was feeling the moment)

i'm reminded in these type of moments that having and
making these memories are much more
important than a keeping my home spotless all the time.
i can say confidently i don't typically have a problem with those priorities
being switched, however, i sometimes find myself feeling self conscious over the decision
to not worry too much about it. but moments like these
help remind me why i'm making a good choice,
because one day, climbing up on my bed and
using their blanket as a cape won't be fun for them anymore
and i don't want to
miss out on the moments when they were.

Grahm Turned Two

grahm turned 2 on saturday. i continue to be amazed at how much

a child can impact a life.

we spent the day celebrating with blues clues, trains, mini golfing
more trains and lots of love and laughter.
i was so grateful to have my inlaws here to help
us celebrate. milestones like these
just aren't the same without family.

he was brought into our lives just when we'd need his love
his affection, his hugs, his unrelenting joy
and despite how momentary the blessing of him felt at
the time
he continues to amaze me as his joy increases
and his hugs multiply

yet he walks through life with such confidence, such peace
as if he knows who God is speaking him to be...
and i love that.

if you've met him,
you've become his friend.
he loves people, and he loves to love.
he is fearless, and loves to explore the world.

i am so grateful God chose me to be his mommy,
to place him in our care,
to love on him, to laugh with him
and watch God shape him.

Happy birthday bubba!

today i could breathe a little

so i'm there again, it's come....again...another wave of grief. thankfully today, i was able to feel God holding my head above water to get a breath and breathe a little bit. yesterday felt like drowning. 2 years ago yesterday was the last time i saw my sister..hugged her, gave her a kiss goodbye and watched her stand outside in the driveway and wave to us as we headed back home.....lots of memories of that weekend. i was pregnant with grahm, due in just two weeks. to think he never met her.................he was 2 weeks old when we went back for her funeral. the first several months of his life was such a blur, so much traveling...life was so much chaos this time of year 2 years ago it can be overwhelming to remember.

i see her in him all the time though...in his joy...in his unforgiving lack of awareness of what others think about his spontaneous dancing or the constant humming of a song..his laughter at the SIMPLEST things, the ease it takes to cuddle with him, the thousands of hugs he awards to us each day...i'm so grateful for God's timing when he gave us grahm, despite how ridiculous it seemed at the time. it was his way of wrapping his arms around me when i doubted he was there and letting me hug my sister when she wasn't there anymore.

i can't wait to throw my arms around her again....

coffee and conversation

i love the simple things in life. how just sitting outside and having coffee with a friend can refresh your soul you know? feel like our life can be such hecticness sometimes, week to week things fill the schedule, and tonight i felt like i stepped out of my world for 3 hrs. and was able to sit, relax, and breathe a little. i was reminded by it how rare that is for me these days. how much i need it in my life. i watched ben play with the boys tonight (well we all wrestled for awhile..but i first observed some pretend fighting technique :) haha and i thought this is what life is about! i don't want to lose this ever! i pray i see and live these moments for what they are, that i take the time to soak them in cause they are passing so quickly....it's amazing how refreshed my soul can feel after some coffee and conversation with a friend!

i know planning is important, future, the big picture has tremendous value (especially for me :)..but God don't let me look so much ahead that i forget to look where I am and enjoy where I'm at. and thank you for my family...i couldn't love them more!

Change A Comin

this morning ben and i (and grahm) brought dylan to his first day of preschool. i've had anxiety over the day the last couple of weeks mostly due to the school he ended up in wasn't our first choice. although we've heard really good things about it, and it being kind of second best, it didn't even seem to compare to our first choice (for which we have been #2 on the wait list for MONTHS). our classroom visit wasn't quite what i expected and so i found myself more nervous about the school than i was my own emotions or dylan's reaction (even though i had given plenty of thought to that). regardless, the circumstance wasn't changing, so it was now my choice to deal with it...so i surrendered it.
this morning began with an excited little boy who could hardly contain himself with the thought that he was going to SCHOOL...the place where all the kids who ride the bus go! on our way to school he asked what the name of his teacher was again and after i replied "miss gregory" he whispered to himself, "miss gregory, miss gregory, miss gregory" repeatedly in hopes to remember when he got there. and then something hit him...he made a comment about missing us while he was there and i could see the emotion flood his face...NERVOUSNESS...trying to hold back my own tears i told him it'd be ok and ben suggested we pray...so we did, and dylan proceeded to hold my hand the rest of the way there. despite that he is going to the only school in the world where they won't let you walk your child in the first day of school and are suppose to stay in the car while someone comes and gets him out and walks him in, i broke the rule today to get out to hug my baby boy...and again..his tears almost came. he gave me an extra tight squeeze and took the hand of the lady walking in as i said 'i love you'.


There he went..and our lives changed. i couldn't hold back the tears when i got in the car and headed home...i couldn't believe this day was here. i still can't believe it. i wonder if he'll make friends, or if his teacher will spot his sweet and compassionate spirit...will it get nurtured there at all? what surrounds him in that classroom that we've protected him from the last 4 years? i found myself really having to surrender him (again) to my Father this morning...to his continued care, protection, provision. it's fair to say that there is a lot to look forward to with the schoolyear...however, i'm not looking forward to dealing with and "deprogramming" him from the world in the coming years...but what parent does right?

this naturally thrusted me into being reminded that our lives are in His hands...he holds them, blesses them and protects them.

our lives seems to be in the season of change (again) with financial provision for our family...church plants often work on being funded financially for 3 years..with each year reducing in the amt (and i'm only expressing that so you don't think we're getting shafted :) unfortunately our body isn't in a position to yet help with a salary for ben, so he is looking to become bi-vocational. not ideal, not easy..not a lot of things...but i was reminded today in a text conversation with a friend after she commented that it didn't seem right. if we're serving God and walking in obedience, his blessing should be flowing, she said. and my first thought was I KNOW RIGHT??!!! and then God reminded me..he IS blessing, our bills are paid, our kids are clothed and we have food in our refrigerator. he's being faithful to the promise he has spoken...he is moving miraculously on our behalf to meet those needs and i'm so grateful! and his movement in that area reminds me and affirms in me that we ARE walking in obedience, because His hand is upon us. thank you God!

today has brought lots of change to our lives. this month has brought lots of change, but today, i too was reminded that my God is faithful..and just as i have walked in faith in my own journey, i now walk in that same faith with Dylan. i will pour my life into him, i will show him the face of Jesus and then i will trust my Father with Him.....yah...the tough part of parenting i think is just beginning....

Honest moments

life pulls me along so quickly these days and then i sit to blog and am so overwhelmed with information i don't know where to start.....but i will say a good running theme the last month would be honest moments.

june 13th we had our launch service for the church. our core body had been meeting in our public space for a month, but we did a public launch. the friday before we handed out free coffee (our own brew) to people on their way to work, we set out info cards at local places, mailed them to some people we had met...sunday morning came and i was SO anxious...an honest moment where i questioned what God was doing in us..mostly in me...didn't feel good enough, educated enough, friendly enough...would people show, would i feel like a failure if we didn't have anyone new come...i had feared i would...could i be myself enough, how much i desired to do that and let my worship be free....God's loved poured out on us that morning, despite my feelings, worthiness and confidence and we worshipped him greatly! we had 10 first time visitors and began making connections...it's been great to report 2-6 new visitors have come each week since..1 repeat family, other's we'll see about...i'm amazed at the amount of growing i have to do in regards to trusting and being confident in what he's doing in me and who he's created me to be, despite the leaps i've taken the last 2 years...gaining it in the closet is one thing, stepping into the light with strength is another...thankfully his patience with me are as big as his arms.

aaaaand i'm 30...i've turned a corner...i didn't really have a problem with turning the big 3-0...but it was another honest moment. i walked away from my reflection TRULY feeling like i have everything in my life i EVER wanted. sure i may desire to be in a different place financially, but it actually was something i never dreamed of before, no goals for financial success...i had planned to be in ministry and maybe just knew ministry and financial success didn't go together, so never concerned myself with it. my biggest dreams were to marry a Godly man who loved music/arts and have healthy children..and my dreams are reality. God has granted the deepest desire of my heart! his blessings have overflowed...i'm not sure i could have a better family..be loved better by a husband and i see Gods fingerprints in my kids and am so grateful...i've realized in my "old age" i'm getting sappier and yes, even a bit bolder.

honest moment number three came this past week as i got to spend 5 days with my nieces (lis' girls) here in SC. they flew out to spend some time with us this summer. we hadn't seen them since last july before we moved and it was so great to have time with them again! we headed to the zoo yesterday and visited the botanical gardens there...so much of yesterday reminded me of my sister, she would've been taking pictures of so many flowers..stopping to smell all of them! chelsea sat in the back of the car with dylan singing all sorts of songs. one of which he wanted was "building up the temple"...which is one that lis taught to him.....i found myself able to stay in the moment most of the time but there were others i couldn't help but think that she should be here with us, laughing and singing...they got to see the church facility which i was really excited about, just wished she had been there too....my honest moment? i still miss her so deeply, need her so desperately and want the world stop sometimes and not forget her...

i've been told the 30s are your "glowing years"...i'm feelin good about that. i'm overwhelmed with gratefulness with where my life is, what God is doing in me, my marriage and in us and His Kingdom.

speechless

we've welcomed our first interns this summer, two college students who are seeking a summer to walk alongside the church/ministers/leaders and disciplers to be discipled...to walk daily in authentic community, to live with, talk with, love with, break with and be completely vulnerable for God to shape and mold their hearts.

one of them has a blog, and wrote about his first service with us yesterday...for many different reasons i don't have a way to describe how it spoke to me...but it did, deeply....thanks for sharing Jordan, it ministered to me greatly.

read Sunday, June 6th post

p.s. we have our launch sunday coming this sunday, june 13th, appreciate the prayers as we tell the community we're here this week through radio, postcards, and our free coffee friday this friday morning where we hand out free coffee during the morning work commute (our own brew). for His renown!

May be days away

well, the carpet for the church was installed yesterday, and we did final painting, caulking, and touch ups yesterday..ben is finishing some cleanup and installing some filters in the vents, and final inspections for the space are scheduled for tomorrow. if all goes well, we'll be approved for occupancy this sunday! that will bring on a couple of VERY busy days as we get tv and sound board installed, pick up mics, ect and setup for our first sunday in the building. i'll update when i know we'll be in for sure, but its been an exciting week to see the final touches coming together :)!!!

on the home front, the boys and i went with the moms club i joined here in town to fort gordon today for a cookout and pony rides. dylan has REALLY taken a liking to horses, i love to see his excitement and bravery. i'm not sure if its him or if its just cause boys tend to be more brave with these types of things, but i love to see his excitement. i've never been on an army base before, it's like it's own city!!! it's pretty crazy. we had a really good time. he's still quite shy with the other kids, we joined for us both to be able to make some friends here, so far, i'm branching out more than he is, and to be honest, it makes me pretty nervous for school this fall...but i'm praying "practice makes perfect" with him warming up a bit easier.

a BIG PRAISE: we found renters for our house in MI...they are moving in this weekend. they are also allowing us to keep the house on the market while they rent, they've signed a year lease, but have agreed to move out if the house is sold. it'll cover 3/4 of our house payment, which is a big blessing! really praying God would sell it before August and Ben's salary is reduced by the district. August will be bringing a lot of change around here, but I have plenty of time to think on that, so right now, I'm just enjoying the time and schedule we have.

I'll keep everyone posted on tomorrows inspections!

updates all around

i'm not keeping up with this as much as i'd like, and feel like i have too much to update, so to avoid a novelty post, i'm gonna follow jamie's footsteps and give you an update rundown.

we are so close to having the church space renovated, carpet goes in sat. and then we'll start moving things in to have our first sunday in our new public space next sunday! super pumped, been a long journey: done lots of park days with the kids: easter was super fun this year, my sister pam and her family were here for spring break and got to do our egg hunt together: enjoyed a girls only beach day yesterday and i'm a little over baked, but was SO nice: ben goes hiking in the paria canyone for a week at the end of this month, trying to figure out what to do with myself for a week alone: the buyer for our house fell through last month, but God provided a renter who will be moving in the 15th, SO grateful! answer to prayer. keeping it on the market, so praying it'll still sell: dylan speaks often about wanting to be in heaven with jesus and how he misses him and wants to see him...God's really drawing his heart to Him and it's beautiful to watch: grahm is so hiliarous these days, he continues to fill our life with joy: i'm getting really excited for our 10 yr. anniversary trip towards the end of the year, we've been working on saving for it for 3 years (yes, really)...and even though its still months away, its much closer than it was 3 years ago :)

God continues to really stretch us here...still longing for a friend and friends for dylan, but do know that he has big things for us once we get into our space and people really know we're here, so really excited about what he has ahead. we're living exciting days!

updated pics of church renovation are on my facebook, see the Ebenezers folder.

we have glass!

the front of our church has glass!!! the front of the building that was knocked out by a truck got put back together last wednesday, so we continue the work. ben has been there every day with the help of a couple of guys when they can make it, muddin and sanding and sanding and mudding...if only we could be in by the end of the month, but we may be pushin it, we're trying but lots of work still to do.

i will admit its tempting to look at ministers around us who look like they have the favor of God pouring out on them in every area of their life and here we sit in seemingly "destitute" circumstances. i don't really get it all except knowing what God spoke what we're doing here, and everything else i just throw into his lap and trust him with it and keep walking forward. i DO know that he is my hope, my song, my strength, my passion, my joy, my compassion and best friend...this is what faith is...we're living it and as he promised we are not without food or shelter, so we rejoice in his love.

life these days

i've sat down so many times to update the blog and knew there was so much to update and just couldn't get myself to take the time, so tonight i am.

get ready there has been so much going on! interesting enough after the excitement in my last post and GREAT hopes to be in our bldg. by easter, we are not. it would've been the perfect time to have our first sunday, to celebrate, to be among those churches that holiday church goers have to choose from to attend that sunday. unfortunately, the delay came when our storefront neighbors moving truck backed into our side of the bldg., shattering our front door and pushing in all the other glass, which then had to come out. (see pic below)Soooo, all renovation took a hault for almost 3 weeks. I do happily report that we were able to get back in a couple of days ago and ben has been working hard on finishing the electric, which has been inspected and ok'd and then drywalling the bathrooms. Our glass should be put in next Wed. and hopefully we'll be in a couple weeks after that. This process has definately been slower than molasses, but the Kingdom of God here in Aiken IS advancing through Ebenezer Naz!! Here are a few more pics from the progress of the past couple of days. dylan loves to go and "help daddy work on the church building"...pic below he's helping chad, holding the wall so he can put the nails in. i love that he's a part of this.
there today with dad as he was sanding.
he got a little lesson in mudding and did a bit himself!
ben sanding what will be the bathrooms.
on a personal note, i started leading our ladies here in beth moore's "breaking free" study at the end of february. it could NOT have come into my life in better timing. i cannot emphasize enough how this study should be a part of EVERY woman's journey!!!!! this is CRUCIAL for both new believers foundations and for us who have been walking! God is doing amazing things in my life through this study and i'm grateful for the freedom i've found. i have to say i feel like i'm in the best place i've been in my life in a long time. the grief that comes with the loss of lisa lingers very much still, some days overwhelmingly...and that's to be expected, but i'm excited about where i am in my journey in everything else. and that feels good to say.
i've decided to give sewing a try. i picked up a purse pattern and some material/supplies the other day and a friend here let me borrow a sewing machine and i'm going to give it a whirl. i'd really like to see if its something i could do to create some income. people here would really go for handmade purses, thinking i may be able to sell in local shops down here, so we'll see how that goes. i'll make sure o document my progress :)

our home in michigan is STILL on the market..we're going on 19 months now, yep, you read that right. we thought 2 1/2 weeks ago we were on the journey to a sale, we were, and then the buyer backed out after we accepted his offer 2 weeks before the closing date. soooo we're back to square one. this obviously brings along questions, mostly why God would allow us to go so far in that process and feel that weight lift and allow us to think forward with housing here for it to not go anywhere...but, i'm choosing to believe that these are the things that continue to test our faith, to test our trust, and as much as this feels like he's giving us a stone when we've asked our father for bread, he has promised not to do so...so i'm choosing to rest in that somehow, beyond my understanding its bread...so we continue on.

on a random note, if i didn't know better, i'd think i had the nesting itch. i've been on a mission to declutter this townhouse, feeling more ok with getting rid of things than ever. it's been a GREAT feeling and have gone through about everything but the kitchen. i've cleaned things out and reorganized pretty much every closet! its good motivation to keep things that way, such a liberating feeling!

my kids continue to be amazing...warm weather here returned about 2 1/2 weeks ago and we've been enjoying several days at the park, which really has become our backyard, or yard at all since we don't have one. dylan's compassion, sensitivity and love for others keep showing itself on a regular basis and i am excited about how i see God shaping his heart already. Grahm continues to be a bundle of joy and the girl i've always wanted, haha. that boy is a mama's boy (which i have to say parts of me secretly love) and a bit of a drama queen which we're quickly seeking to tame before it gets out of control. he makes us laugh and smile all day though and seems to know those days when i need extra hugs. here's a few pics of our latest adventures.

dylan and i went with a group of kids to see a marionette puppet show, he loved it, particularly because it was all about dinosaurs.

my kids LOVE the slide!
a ride at the park today, grahm was so excited about his outfit today. the kid is obsessed with thomas. he loves carrying him around and typically only wants to play with him when he and dylan play trains. i think we have a small obsession on our hands. i showed him his shirt today and he immediately started humming the thomas tune!

the weekend brings some more excitement with my sister and her family coming into town for their spring break! dylan can't wait to have ariana here to play with, he's made lots of plans for us :). it'll be so great to have some family here and to have time for them to really see where we live and to spend time showing them around and enjoying the places we like to go. i hope to be better at getting this updated so they don't have to be so long. if you finished reading all this, thanks :).

Ebenezer Church of the Nazarene

well, we've been here, meeting in our home for church, the boys in dylans room for class for the last 6 months, and after a very LONG process, we got the keys to our first church space yesterday!!!! wow..is it really happening? it is. in many ways we're SO ready, then sometimes i think, r we? getting that "third space"..neutral space, a community presence, brings us to a whole new level..busyness? commitment? we're about to really step into it (not that we haven't been walking it, believe me). i will admit, not having to make sure my house is spotless every sunday at 10am with two small boys who wake up at 7:30 is one of the blessings for this new change :). we started small groups (one men's, one woman's) this last week..the men are walking through jonh eldredges "fathered by God" which ben would advocate every man to read and the women are doing beth moores newly revised "breaking free" study...and i love the place we're at!

our desire is to bring the church back into the center of the community, to affect its surrounding, change it and help it become again the thing that shapes our society....it may look different than many are used to, but the truth is the same. we are compelled to be the redemptive force in our community...to walk alongside the broken, to serve and love without expectation, to help people discover the creativity that is in them is Gods glory shining inside of them and then call them into a journey beyond their dreams with Jesus!...talking about it makes me ready for revival :)

so , we're in a storefront, not a big space, but it's "ours" and we're going smack ourselves in the midst of our community and love them the best we know how. we're in a neat spot, right by the walmart and right next to a hair salon, who shares our building, so thousands of cars pass by our doors a day...although we hope their first time meeting us won't be inside that building. there is a bit of TLC that needed done, so we worked with the owner to exchange our labor for some rent..renovations started today (pics below)..we're hoping we can be in in a couple of weeks! stay tuned for more pics as renovation progresses. turning one bathroom into two..got walls studded and ready. one small step done!

i will admit, my sister is the missing piece in this journey/puzzle..she had been walking every step of this process with us and its difficult to experience these moments without her. i want her to see what Gods done, i want her here to celebrate with me and i've so needed her in the ups and downs this has all brought. i know how excited she'd be...she was a part of building my confidence to walk this faith journey out....
i am anxious to see how he plans to use this current community of 11 believers to change the world!
Join us where you are in proclaiming this prayer:

Lord, we stand here,as desperate people hungry for the things of You.

Come, quiet the storms that rage all around us

so that we hear the passion that beats in Your heart.

Spirit, put healing in our hands, put life in our words,

and drive a passion for the lost deep into the hearts of Your people.

Inhabit the praises of us, Your children

and Father, send us out with a reckless passion.

Deliver us from evil and set a standard of unity to break down walls

and to heal Your people.

Unity is the cry of Your church, Lord. Reconcile Your children to their Father,

and with forgiveness and mercy, rush through the hearts of our land.

We cry out our deep need for you, Jesus.

Oh God, come in power and bring glory to Your name.

one of those days

its been one of those days... you know, where you feel like a failure as a mother. i was so impatient with my kids today...and it was one of those days where you almost already feel bad before the impatience comes out but you can't help it, your just pushed to the edge...i hate that!!!! i have to say, i see this side of me coming out more these days than i like..not that its all the time, just more than i like or am comfortable with. i almost feel like a switch flipped off with me after lisa passed and on the days my emotions are too overwhelming i just can't handle the kids when they feel overwhelming...i just can't. emotion about that is enough/all i can handle and anything above that just makes everything else magnified. i hate it......i put dylan to sleep tonight wondering if he thinks i'm a terrible mom, ect...and i know my emotion is running away from me here...i'm just reflecting and frustrated beyond belief at the mom i was today....ughhhh. i have the best children in the world!!! i want to be the mom they deserve every day! Lord help me be that...and help me to surrender those emotions when they feel more overwhelming than your voice on these days.

On a positive note, I had a magnificent valentine's day surprise from my husband! it could not have been better timing...but i woke yesterday morning to a bottle of sparkling cider that said "do not open until wed. feb. 17th...i opened the notd to say that we would be enjoying 3 days/2 nights alone at edisto beach (on the coast about 2 1/2 hrs. away). we know someone with a condo there that is letting us use it for those days...he planned it all, arranged it all and set up the kid sitting, ect...it could not have come at a better time. just the night before i said to him, "ugh. i just need some time away" sooo wed. morning, we're heading out and won't be returning til friday evening. i am SO excited!!! we haven't had a night to ourselves since our anniversary 2008 and a day since ben's bday in october! so i'm going to be soaking it up and praying i return a better parent.....

oh and a small update: i'm branching out, in hopes to connect and meet other moms in the community through a moms club here. i'm heading to my first mom's night out tomorrow. they hold them once a month and playgroups every week...its def. out of my comfort zone..but its time we do something and felt God pressing me towards it, so i'm trusting i'll make some friends and connect my kids with some others they can be friends with. tomorrow sounds fun. they're doing an amazing race night, so they're sending us all over town i guess :) thanks for listening....i'm being transformed day by day, and thankful that his mercies are made new every morning!

January - Dylan's BDay

i'm way overdue for a post to say the least..but thought i'd get started by catching things up a little by sharing dylan's birthday. i can't believe he's four and we're looking at preschools. i'm not ready for this. but we had a great time celebrating with friends. we actually had his party a few days after his actual bday so we celebrated on the day with lunch and seeing alvin and the chipmunks movie. everything is certainly bigger in the south, including the popcorn..not sure the pic even does justice, but we all shared and still had plenty left over. (and that's saying a lot due to the fact i mostly just go for the popcorn :). dylan picked out his thomas cake and wanted thomas but it could've easily been a buzz lightyear party. he was pretty excited to get his buzz tent and he and i had fun that night and slept in it! i've been thankful that he's made a friend (pic), jonjon down here we've been able to see a couple times and was able to come to his party. sweet boy and actually his age, so i'm looking forward to that relationship developing.

i can't talk enough about this kid, i could go on and on..but i'm so incredibly privelaged to have been chosen to be his mom! he's amazing, compassionate, sensitive, loving and sweet. and now he's 4!

more updates to come......

An Award

An award

Today I got a pleasant surprise while checking my blogs. A long time friend Jamie gave me a beautiful blogger award. Its sweet coming from her, because she's such a beautiful person, wonderful woman of God and amazing mom.

Along with this award, I'm supposed to reveal seven random things about me. Hold on people!

1. I have a desire to take contemporary dance lessons and wish I had the money to do it, I would!

2. Two professions I'd love to have, first and foremost, go on tour with Matt Redman (i'm totally ok singing backup - just worshipping with someone who leads so amazingly and singing with crowds of 10,000s is a glimpse of heaven and nothing to me is more beautiful)...and I'd love to be a wedding planner. I love to plan and organize and to think of helping someone put in the details to make their day special and as meaningful as it is would be so fun!

3. I enjoy Rodeo's! Don't ask me why, but i love them and love it when i catch one on tv!

4. When I was little my bros and sis' and i would make homemade tents and sneak down the pickle jar, eat all the pickles and then drink the juice..no worries i don't/couldn't do that now.

5. Every Christmas Eve I watch White Christmas. It was a tradition with my mom and it's by far my fav Christmas movie and now its a tradition of our fam.

6. I still have and even sometimes where a nightgown that i've had since jr. high.

7. I really desire to go to Kenya to volunteer in an orphanage for short term missions. I actually told ben that's what he could do for my 30th bday, just send me for a couple weeks..i'm not banking on it, but praying God gives me the opportunity some day.

Thanks Jam! Now I get to give this award to seven other bloggers!
Bring the Rain
Ramblings from a Ragamuffin
A Gallery of Words
The Vails' Tails
What More Can I Say
This is My Life
Peanut Butter Jam

speechless

it's going to seem long but PLEASE hang with me..testament to a mighty move of God!

so i've been listening in to the video feed from passion2010 conference that was held in atlanta these last few days. ben and i were blessed to have attended a few years ago, but if you haven't gone and are 25 or under (or older and can go as a sponsor) i HIGHLY recommend. i've never experienced anything like it. enough about that. but below i'll attach their link if your not familiar so you can read of their heart beat and what they are helping college student around the world accomplish for the Kindgom and how God is using this gathering to propel 22,000 college students this year back to 1,100 colleges represented filled with God and the heartbeat for his kingdom!!!!!

you can read about all the causes they were being a part of this year on the website, but the overall goal was to raise $500,000 for these causes...as of yesterday morning, walking into the session COLLEGE STUDENTS had raised $668,597.95!!! because they could put the money towards any cause they wanted, some, even though surpassed the goal were not met. louie was praying on his way to the morning session that God would rise up and fully fund each cause before the morning was over...10 ft. after the prayer was said, he got a text from a friend, someone at the conference who was standing with some people who were NOT part of the conference, but heard what the students there were accomplishing for the kingdom and asked him to call. so he called with a couple min. to give on the phone and he said these people are so moved by what these students are doing for God that they want to match dollar for dollar what they have given, $562,000. Louie went on to tell him that actually the new total was the 668,597.95, so if they want to match they'll have to move up their match amt. and the person on the phone said hold on, let me check....came back on and said. IT'S DONE!

louie continued to announce to a ROARING stadium that because THEY had obeyed in responding to the move of God, God was going to not just fully fund each cause, but double fund them!!!!!!! i started to cry...it was overwhelming to hear....

i thought two things. DON'T COUNT OUT THIS GENERATION as selfish kids who don't care about the church or the kingdom...they long to be a part and when they are given a chance to come face to face to him will give all they have (and lets face it, over half a million dollars for college students is a miracle).

second: i was reminded that sometimes God is waiting on our reponse in order for a miracle to happen. those students responding like they did is what caused those people interest, what gave THEM a passion/desire to take part in this way in the Kingdom...what if God is waiting on us...you, so he can work miracles..so he can move, so he can do something amazing?

all i know is that i want to obey. when he calls, i want to go, when he asks, i want to give, when he prompts, i want to move...i pray my faith is so rooted and so grounded that without question, i will...and then i'll trust him for the other half of the miracle.

PRAISE GOD!!!!!
check these three links out
http://www.268generation.com/passion2010/

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&&suggest&note_id=236723288841#/photo.php?pid=4619960&id=274645974921

matt redmans song that really spoke to me during these sessions
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfzJyuFzyVE&feature=related

oh and btw, in efforts to leave an impression on the city of Atlanta that God was there, they wanted to stock the homeless with socks and towels, something they were told was needed, and in doing so, are giving the homeless in atlanta 72,600 pairs of socks and 14,820 towels....