Honest moments

life pulls me along so quickly these days and then i sit to blog and am so overwhelmed with information i don't know where to start.....but i will say a good running theme the last month would be honest moments.

june 13th we had our launch service for the church. our core body had been meeting in our public space for a month, but we did a public launch. the friday before we handed out free coffee (our own brew) to people on their way to work, we set out info cards at local places, mailed them to some people we had met...sunday morning came and i was SO anxious...an honest moment where i questioned what God was doing in us..mostly in me...didn't feel good enough, educated enough, friendly enough...would people show, would i feel like a failure if we didn't have anyone new come...i had feared i would...could i be myself enough, how much i desired to do that and let my worship be free....God's loved poured out on us that morning, despite my feelings, worthiness and confidence and we worshipped him greatly! we had 10 first time visitors and began making connections...it's been great to report 2-6 new visitors have come each week since..1 repeat family, other's we'll see about...i'm amazed at the amount of growing i have to do in regards to trusting and being confident in what he's doing in me and who he's created me to be, despite the leaps i've taken the last 2 years...gaining it in the closet is one thing, stepping into the light with strength is another...thankfully his patience with me are as big as his arms.

aaaaand i'm 30...i've turned a corner...i didn't really have a problem with turning the big 3-0...but it was another honest moment. i walked away from my reflection TRULY feeling like i have everything in my life i EVER wanted. sure i may desire to be in a different place financially, but it actually was something i never dreamed of before, no goals for financial success...i had planned to be in ministry and maybe just knew ministry and financial success didn't go together, so never concerned myself with it. my biggest dreams were to marry a Godly man who loved music/arts and have healthy children..and my dreams are reality. God has granted the deepest desire of my heart! his blessings have overflowed...i'm not sure i could have a better family..be loved better by a husband and i see Gods fingerprints in my kids and am so grateful...i've realized in my "old age" i'm getting sappier and yes, even a bit bolder.

honest moment number three came this past week as i got to spend 5 days with my nieces (lis' girls) here in SC. they flew out to spend some time with us this summer. we hadn't seen them since last july before we moved and it was so great to have time with them again! we headed to the zoo yesterday and visited the botanical gardens there...so much of yesterday reminded me of my sister, she would've been taking pictures of so many flowers..stopping to smell all of them! chelsea sat in the back of the car with dylan singing all sorts of songs. one of which he wanted was "building up the temple"...which is one that lis taught to him.....i found myself able to stay in the moment most of the time but there were others i couldn't help but think that she should be here with us, laughing and singing...they got to see the church facility which i was really excited about, just wished she had been there too....my honest moment? i still miss her so deeply, need her so desperately and want the world stop sometimes and not forget her...

i've been told the 30s are your "glowing years"...i'm feelin good about that. i'm overwhelmed with gratefulness with where my life is, what God is doing in me, my marriage and in us and His Kingdom.