today i could breathe a little

so i'm there again, it's come....again...another wave of grief. thankfully today, i was able to feel God holding my head above water to get a breath and breathe a little bit. yesterday felt like drowning. 2 years ago yesterday was the last time i saw my sister..hugged her, gave her a kiss goodbye and watched her stand outside in the driveway and wave to us as we headed back home.....lots of memories of that weekend. i was pregnant with grahm, due in just two weeks. to think he never met her.................he was 2 weeks old when we went back for her funeral. the first several months of his life was such a blur, so much traveling...life was so much chaos this time of year 2 years ago it can be overwhelming to remember.

i see her in him all the time though...in his joy...in his unforgiving lack of awareness of what others think about his spontaneous dancing or the constant humming of a song..his laughter at the SIMPLEST things, the ease it takes to cuddle with him, the thousands of hugs he awards to us each day...i'm so grateful for God's timing when he gave us grahm, despite how ridiculous it seemed at the time. it was his way of wrapping his arms around me when i doubted he was there and letting me hug my sister when she wasn't there anymore.

i can't wait to throw my arms around her again....