one of those days

its been one of those days... you know, where you feel like a failure as a mother. i was so impatient with my kids today...and it was one of those days where you almost already feel bad before the impatience comes out but you can't help it, your just pushed to the edge...i hate that!!!! i have to say, i see this side of me coming out more these days than i like..not that its all the time, just more than i like or am comfortable with. i almost feel like a switch flipped off with me after lisa passed and on the days my emotions are too overwhelming i just can't handle the kids when they feel overwhelming...i just can't. emotion about that is enough/all i can handle and anything above that just makes everything else magnified. i hate it......i put dylan to sleep tonight wondering if he thinks i'm a terrible mom, ect...and i know my emotion is running away from me here...i'm just reflecting and frustrated beyond belief at the mom i was today....ughhhh. i have the best children in the world!!! i want to be the mom they deserve every day! Lord help me be that...and help me to surrender those emotions when they feel more overwhelming than your voice on these days.

On a positive note, I had a magnificent valentine's day surprise from my husband! it could not have been better timing...but i woke yesterday morning to a bottle of sparkling cider that said "do not open until wed. feb. 17th...i opened the notd to say that we would be enjoying 3 days/2 nights alone at edisto beach (on the coast about 2 1/2 hrs. away). we know someone with a condo there that is letting us use it for those days...he planned it all, arranged it all and set up the kid sitting, ect...it could not have come at a better time. just the night before i said to him, "ugh. i just need some time away" sooo wed. morning, we're heading out and won't be returning til friday evening. i am SO excited!!! we haven't had a night to ourselves since our anniversary 2008 and a day since ben's bday in october! so i'm going to be soaking it up and praying i return a better parent.....

oh and a small update: i'm branching out, in hopes to connect and meet other moms in the community through a moms club here. i'm heading to my first mom's night out tomorrow. they hold them once a month and playgroups every week...its def. out of my comfort zone..but its time we do something and felt God pressing me towards it, so i'm trusting i'll make some friends and connect my kids with some others they can be friends with. tomorrow sounds fun. they're doing an amazing race night, so they're sending us all over town i guess :) thanks for listening....i'm being transformed day by day, and thankful that his mercies are made new every morning!