Where You Go I Go

a couple of months ago i got hooked on a worship song called "where you go i go" by kim walker (jesus culture). i've brought it to our community, but we sang it a lot at home at the time and before i knew it, grahm was picking it up. pretty simple words and most he could say pretty well, and one day he just busted out singing "where you go i go, what you say i say"...the first half of which he tends to like to repeat over and over and then adds in the second part when he's in the mood to actually sing the whole thing. of course there are all sorts of things i learned in that moment...i have to admit, i LOVE that my children pick that type of thing up! the lyrics are so powerful:

"where you go i go, what you say i say, what you pray i pray...jesus only did, what he saw you do, he would only speak, what he heard you speak, he would only move when he felt you lead, following your heart, following your spirit"

oh for my life to be nothing other than that, not speaking a word unless God spoke it first in me, ect...and then one day, i saw the song illustrated in a whole new light as the boys were playing. funny enough, grahm started singing the song shortly before the boys began playing together (which they have been doing so much more lately, and in an actual enjoyable manner...ok i've sidetracked).

Dylan jumped...
And so Grahm jumped...
Dylan demonstrated his super jumping powers by jumping over grahms table...so grahm of course had to give it a try...God reminded me in this moment what all us parents know, but don't always remember. and that is HOW MUCH we influence our children..their habits, their words, their actions, their REACTIONS and their priorities. just as grahm is on the heels of dylan these days, dylan is on our heels...i want to be a mom who speaks what God is speaking inside of me, to my children...to lead them where God is leading them.

And then i felt challenged by the moment..do i react to God like grahm reacts to dylan? is my priority to be on the heels of what he's doing, are my words his words? sometimes going where God is going is difficult, its a jump for Him....its sometimes awkward, climbing over and balancing on top, while my legs dangle on each side of the table as i safely get to the other side, for me...regardless of what it looks like, are you willing to make the journey?

i continue to be amazed at the ways God speaks to me through my children.

beds, pillows and superheros

i spent a lot of my afternoon today cleaning,

picking up and doing laundry. dylan
sat at the computer
in our room
playing thomas the train (of course with grahm by his side watching)
while i started changing the sheets on our bed

and
suddenly i found myself enjoying
special moments with the boys. i have some
really soft flannel sheets i was putting on
and i could no more than get the fitted sheet on then find
them both crawling on top wanting to play.
i felt that doer in me want to tell them to get off so i could
continue accomplishing my tasks for the day
and then i remembered how much
more important these times are than my house to do list

we don't allow them to jump on the beds,
but falling and bouncing are perfectly acceptable :)

i loved watching them play so well together,
laugh, and watch grahm try and do EVERY thing dylan did
down to the words he was saying...i heard a lot of
"watch, watch, watch"

eventually they wore themselves out and i
was able to finish
making the bed. and then i got an idea. i told
dylan to grab a couple of the pillows and we made our way out to
the living room for our first pillow fight

grahm even tried participating...and then
they decided running into each other with their pillows
was much funnier.

they did this til they couldn't breathe
anymore from laughter, falling down every time
and of course nothing is
complete in our home these days without a superhero

to say dylan has been obsessed with all things
superhero lately is an understatement.
he's dubbed himself, super dylan, and more recently
superman dylan, because he's learned that
superman has a secret identity and no
one knows its really him when he goes and changes into his costume.
so tonight he had to have a cape
and do a little flying (although i don't encourage jumping off the couch
on a regular basis, i was feeling the moment)

i'm reminded in these type of moments that having and
making these memories are much more
important than a keeping my home spotless all the time.
i can say confidently i don't typically have a problem with those priorities
being switched, however, i sometimes find myself feeling self conscious over the decision
to not worry too much about it. but moments like these
help remind me why i'm making a good choice,
because one day, climbing up on my bed and
using their blanket as a cape won't be fun for them anymore
and i don't want to
miss out on the moments when they were.

Grahm Turned Two

grahm turned 2 on saturday. i continue to be amazed at how much

a child can impact a life.

we spent the day celebrating with blues clues, trains, mini golfing
more trains and lots of love and laughter.
i was so grateful to have my inlaws here to help
us celebrate. milestones like these
just aren't the same without family.

he was brought into our lives just when we'd need his love
his affection, his hugs, his unrelenting joy
and despite how momentary the blessing of him felt at
the time
he continues to amaze me as his joy increases
and his hugs multiply

yet he walks through life with such confidence, such peace
as if he knows who God is speaking him to be...
and i love that.

if you've met him,
you've become his friend.
he loves people, and he loves to love.
he is fearless, and loves to explore the world.

i am so grateful God chose me to be his mommy,
to place him in our care,
to love on him, to laugh with him
and watch God shape him.

Happy birthday bubba!

today i could breathe a little

so i'm there again, it's come....again...another wave of grief. thankfully today, i was able to feel God holding my head above water to get a breath and breathe a little bit. yesterday felt like drowning. 2 years ago yesterday was the last time i saw my sister..hugged her, gave her a kiss goodbye and watched her stand outside in the driveway and wave to us as we headed back home.....lots of memories of that weekend. i was pregnant with grahm, due in just two weeks. to think he never met her.................he was 2 weeks old when we went back for her funeral. the first several months of his life was such a blur, so much traveling...life was so much chaos this time of year 2 years ago it can be overwhelming to remember.

i see her in him all the time though...in his joy...in his unforgiving lack of awareness of what others think about his spontaneous dancing or the constant humming of a song..his laughter at the SIMPLEST things, the ease it takes to cuddle with him, the thousands of hugs he awards to us each day...i'm so grateful for God's timing when he gave us grahm, despite how ridiculous it seemed at the time. it was his way of wrapping his arms around me when i doubted he was there and letting me hug my sister when she wasn't there anymore.

i can't wait to throw my arms around her again....

coffee and conversation

i love the simple things in life. how just sitting outside and having coffee with a friend can refresh your soul you know? feel like our life can be such hecticness sometimes, week to week things fill the schedule, and tonight i felt like i stepped out of my world for 3 hrs. and was able to sit, relax, and breathe a little. i was reminded by it how rare that is for me these days. how much i need it in my life. i watched ben play with the boys tonight (well we all wrestled for awhile..but i first observed some pretend fighting technique :) haha and i thought this is what life is about! i don't want to lose this ever! i pray i see and live these moments for what they are, that i take the time to soak them in cause they are passing so quickly....it's amazing how refreshed my soul can feel after some coffee and conversation with a friend!

i know planning is important, future, the big picture has tremendous value (especially for me :)..but God don't let me look so much ahead that i forget to look where I am and enjoy where I'm at. and thank you for my family...i couldn't love them more!

Change A Comin

this morning ben and i (and grahm) brought dylan to his first day of preschool. i've had anxiety over the day the last couple of weeks mostly due to the school he ended up in wasn't our first choice. although we've heard really good things about it, and it being kind of second best, it didn't even seem to compare to our first choice (for which we have been #2 on the wait list for MONTHS). our classroom visit wasn't quite what i expected and so i found myself more nervous about the school than i was my own emotions or dylan's reaction (even though i had given plenty of thought to that). regardless, the circumstance wasn't changing, so it was now my choice to deal with it...so i surrendered it.
this morning began with an excited little boy who could hardly contain himself with the thought that he was going to SCHOOL...the place where all the kids who ride the bus go! on our way to school he asked what the name of his teacher was again and after i replied "miss gregory" he whispered to himself, "miss gregory, miss gregory, miss gregory" repeatedly in hopes to remember when he got there. and then something hit him...he made a comment about missing us while he was there and i could see the emotion flood his face...NERVOUSNESS...trying to hold back my own tears i told him it'd be ok and ben suggested we pray...so we did, and dylan proceeded to hold my hand the rest of the way there. despite that he is going to the only school in the world where they won't let you walk your child in the first day of school and are suppose to stay in the car while someone comes and gets him out and walks him in, i broke the rule today to get out to hug my baby boy...and again..his tears almost came. he gave me an extra tight squeeze and took the hand of the lady walking in as i said 'i love you'.


There he went..and our lives changed. i couldn't hold back the tears when i got in the car and headed home...i couldn't believe this day was here. i still can't believe it. i wonder if he'll make friends, or if his teacher will spot his sweet and compassionate spirit...will it get nurtured there at all? what surrounds him in that classroom that we've protected him from the last 4 years? i found myself really having to surrender him (again) to my Father this morning...to his continued care, protection, provision. it's fair to say that there is a lot to look forward to with the schoolyear...however, i'm not looking forward to dealing with and "deprogramming" him from the world in the coming years...but what parent does right?

this naturally thrusted me into being reminded that our lives are in His hands...he holds them, blesses them and protects them.

our lives seems to be in the season of change (again) with financial provision for our family...church plants often work on being funded financially for 3 years..with each year reducing in the amt (and i'm only expressing that so you don't think we're getting shafted :) unfortunately our body isn't in a position to yet help with a salary for ben, so he is looking to become bi-vocational. not ideal, not easy..not a lot of things...but i was reminded today in a text conversation with a friend after she commented that it didn't seem right. if we're serving God and walking in obedience, his blessing should be flowing, she said. and my first thought was I KNOW RIGHT??!!! and then God reminded me..he IS blessing, our bills are paid, our kids are clothed and we have food in our refrigerator. he's being faithful to the promise he has spoken...he is moving miraculously on our behalf to meet those needs and i'm so grateful! and his movement in that area reminds me and affirms in me that we ARE walking in obedience, because His hand is upon us. thank you God!

today has brought lots of change to our lives. this month has brought lots of change, but today, i too was reminded that my God is faithful..and just as i have walked in faith in my own journey, i now walk in that same faith with Dylan. i will pour my life into him, i will show him the face of Jesus and then i will trust my Father with Him.....yah...the tough part of parenting i think is just beginning....

Honest moments

life pulls me along so quickly these days and then i sit to blog and am so overwhelmed with information i don't know where to start.....but i will say a good running theme the last month would be honest moments.

june 13th we had our launch service for the church. our core body had been meeting in our public space for a month, but we did a public launch. the friday before we handed out free coffee (our own brew) to people on their way to work, we set out info cards at local places, mailed them to some people we had met...sunday morning came and i was SO anxious...an honest moment where i questioned what God was doing in us..mostly in me...didn't feel good enough, educated enough, friendly enough...would people show, would i feel like a failure if we didn't have anyone new come...i had feared i would...could i be myself enough, how much i desired to do that and let my worship be free....God's loved poured out on us that morning, despite my feelings, worthiness and confidence and we worshipped him greatly! we had 10 first time visitors and began making connections...it's been great to report 2-6 new visitors have come each week since..1 repeat family, other's we'll see about...i'm amazed at the amount of growing i have to do in regards to trusting and being confident in what he's doing in me and who he's created me to be, despite the leaps i've taken the last 2 years...gaining it in the closet is one thing, stepping into the light with strength is another...thankfully his patience with me are as big as his arms.

aaaaand i'm 30...i've turned a corner...i didn't really have a problem with turning the big 3-0...but it was another honest moment. i walked away from my reflection TRULY feeling like i have everything in my life i EVER wanted. sure i may desire to be in a different place financially, but it actually was something i never dreamed of before, no goals for financial success...i had planned to be in ministry and maybe just knew ministry and financial success didn't go together, so never concerned myself with it. my biggest dreams were to marry a Godly man who loved music/arts and have healthy children..and my dreams are reality. God has granted the deepest desire of my heart! his blessings have overflowed...i'm not sure i could have a better family..be loved better by a husband and i see Gods fingerprints in my kids and am so grateful...i've realized in my "old age" i'm getting sappier and yes, even a bit bolder.

honest moment number three came this past week as i got to spend 5 days with my nieces (lis' girls) here in SC. they flew out to spend some time with us this summer. we hadn't seen them since last july before we moved and it was so great to have time with them again! we headed to the zoo yesterday and visited the botanical gardens there...so much of yesterday reminded me of my sister, she would've been taking pictures of so many flowers..stopping to smell all of them! chelsea sat in the back of the car with dylan singing all sorts of songs. one of which he wanted was "building up the temple"...which is one that lis taught to him.....i found myself able to stay in the moment most of the time but there were others i couldn't help but think that she should be here with us, laughing and singing...they got to see the church facility which i was really excited about, just wished she had been there too....my honest moment? i still miss her so deeply, need her so desperately and want the world stop sometimes and not forget her...

i've been told the 30s are your "glowing years"...i'm feelin good about that. i'm overwhelmed with gratefulness with where my life is, what God is doing in me, my marriage and in us and His Kingdom.