life as it was intended

i won't bore you with the history of all the things that have taken my time away from writing, i'm here and that's what counts right? we've had so much change (yes, again) in the last few months..some of which included vacationing for our 10 yr. anniversary..so much to relive, i'll just sum it up by saying it was all i could have ever dreamed of and more! if you haven't yet, and interested in seeing pictures, you can check out the two albums on my fb page, turks and caicos and our vow renewal. we got home, made a trip home for the holidays and moved into a rental home two weeks later. it's so great to be back in a home again..i wish it was ours, but we continue to wait for God to sell our home in MI..however, i'll certainly take this, and the kids LOVE having a back yard!

on to the real reason i sat at the computer tonight to write. i've been struggling a bit lately..struggling to avoid feeling like a resource and living life as i know God intended it to be lived..not enduring but thriving. some things have been unavoidable, some have been necessary and others i've brought on myself in fear of what would happen if i didn't...regardless of the excuse, God is preparing my mind and heart for change...don't know how yet, but i know it must come. despite the heaviness i've felt like i've been living in..there have been BEAUTIFUL moments of breath, and that's my point for writing..to share the life that's been here the last few months. besides just the moments of joy, some of the highlights include going to a worship night with kari jobe (from which i have no pics), dylan starting his first season of soccer and a visit from dear friends. here are some pictures of the beautiful moments in my life these last few months.

my three superheros

making brownies with dylan

enjoying Popsicles outside (yes in march)

more superheros..one ready for bed

watching my boys sit together

sharing a day of memories and passing them on as i pulled out some of my old stuffed animals and gave them to dylan

beginning to teach dylan how to play guitar and then watching dylan and daddy worship with their guitars before church one sun. morning

bringing dylan to his first soccer practice

watching them create memories with friends

God reminded me as i worshiped him with kari jobe that night about abandonment...worship freely..love openly, give abundantly and enjoy life! this is life as it was intended to be...lived.

where has time gone

wow, i can't believe i haven't written a thing since november. that's sad. although i will say i can't remember a busier 4 months in my life! 10 day anniversary vacation, holidays, moving...just here to say i'm still alive and i plan to give a quick update here soon! in the meantime, i love catching up on everyones life and getting lots of fun and creative tips, keep them coming :)

days like these make the rainbow look bright

its funny...i've been meaning to write a new blog and i knew i had started one and saved the draft to finish later, but had forgotten what it was about. i sat tonight to finish that entry and when i came back to it, all that was there was a title "days like these make the rainbow look bright"......i have no idea what i was planning to follow that with but it made me smile. it said something to me, particularly in circumstances we learned about and are now walking in today.

today isn't one of those "seeing the rainbow days" but i'm reminded that the rainbow is always there. all we have to do is allow the Son to shine on our rain and there it is. in the midst of uncertainty, in the midst of clouds and rain, he does something beautiful when we take our eyes off what appears to be hopeless or discouraging and look to the Light...that's when you'll see a rainbow..that's when you'll be reminded of His promise...and that's when you'll discover that days like these make the rainbow look bright.

so im turning my face towards the Son, so i can see the rainbow....

just 6 weeks

six weeks from today i'll be hopping on a plane with just my man to enjoy a LONG awaited vacation. i have to admit, it's much of what i think about these days. it's the sunshine. not that i'm sitting here drowning in darkness...it's just stress..but feel like we've been sitting in this stress for the last two years of our life...in a matter of 4 weeks i had a baby, ben resigned from his pastorate with no awaiting job/income, we put our home up for sale, i suddenly found myself without my sister and we were having our first meeting in SC. it was every major stressor on "the list" other than a divorce, which i remember jokingly telling ben he didn't want to try that with me right then :). felt like my/our life flipped upside down in one month and sometimes i feel like i haven't recovered...it just went from there. one whirlwind after another..one adjustment after another. for fear of sounding pitiful i won't list them, but sometimes i feel like i haven't really been able to catch my breath since that all happened.

i continue to see God's had in our life. this vacation is one of those that i can now see the reason for the timing..the reason why we started planning when we did, so it would be that we'd take it now. we need it (and i know, who doesn't need a vacation, we all do). but we need it. feel like we need to regroup, refresh, have 2 min. of freetime to step back and breathe in this "new" reality of our life (all of it really)....and my marriage needs it. don't hear that wrong :) to say the last two years has brought a lot of stress is an understatement. God has been so faithful in our relationship, and I'm still amazed by a couple of things 1 - how gracious, loving and patient my husband has been with me and 2 - that God would bless me with a man such as he.

really grateful when God allows me to see His hand at work, when your feeling like your down to the last thread....God i can hold on for six more weeks, but you really did bring it at just the right time. he really does go before us, he really does provide what we need JUST when we need it. it's not always 10 days, but this time, i'm thankful for his extra big measure of grace and blessing to grant it to me.

Where You Go I Go

a couple of months ago i got hooked on a worship song called "where you go i go" by kim walker (jesus culture). i've brought it to our community, but we sang it a lot at home at the time and before i knew it, grahm was picking it up. pretty simple words and most he could say pretty well, and one day he just busted out singing "where you go i go, what you say i say"...the first half of which he tends to like to repeat over and over and then adds in the second part when he's in the mood to actually sing the whole thing. of course there are all sorts of things i learned in that moment...i have to admit, i LOVE that my children pick that type of thing up! the lyrics are so powerful:

"where you go i go, what you say i say, what you pray i pray...jesus only did, what he saw you do, he would only speak, what he heard you speak, he would only move when he felt you lead, following your heart, following your spirit"

oh for my life to be nothing other than that, not speaking a word unless God spoke it first in me, ect...and then one day, i saw the song illustrated in a whole new light as the boys were playing. funny enough, grahm started singing the song shortly before the boys began playing together (which they have been doing so much more lately, and in an actual enjoyable manner...ok i've sidetracked).

Dylan jumped...
And so Grahm jumped...
Dylan demonstrated his super jumping powers by jumping over grahms table...so grahm of course had to give it a try...God reminded me in this moment what all us parents know, but don't always remember. and that is HOW MUCH we influence our children..their habits, their words, their actions, their REACTIONS and their priorities. just as grahm is on the heels of dylan these days, dylan is on our heels...i want to be a mom who speaks what God is speaking inside of me, to my children...to lead them where God is leading them.

And then i felt challenged by the moment..do i react to God like grahm reacts to dylan? is my priority to be on the heels of what he's doing, are my words his words? sometimes going where God is going is difficult, its a jump for Him....its sometimes awkward, climbing over and balancing on top, while my legs dangle on each side of the table as i safely get to the other side, for me...regardless of what it looks like, are you willing to make the journey?

i continue to be amazed at the ways God speaks to me through my children.

beds, pillows and superheros

i spent a lot of my afternoon today cleaning,

picking up and doing laundry. dylan
sat at the computer
in our room
playing thomas the train (of course with grahm by his side watching)
while i started changing the sheets on our bed

and
suddenly i found myself enjoying
special moments with the boys. i have some
really soft flannel sheets i was putting on
and i could no more than get the fitted sheet on then find
them both crawling on top wanting to play.
i felt that doer in me want to tell them to get off so i could
continue accomplishing my tasks for the day
and then i remembered how much
more important these times are than my house to do list

we don't allow them to jump on the beds,
but falling and bouncing are perfectly acceptable :)

i loved watching them play so well together,
laugh, and watch grahm try and do EVERY thing dylan did
down to the words he was saying...i heard a lot of
"watch, watch, watch"

eventually they wore themselves out and i
was able to finish
making the bed. and then i got an idea. i told
dylan to grab a couple of the pillows and we made our way out to
the living room for our first pillow fight

grahm even tried participating...and then
they decided running into each other with their pillows
was much funnier.

they did this til they couldn't breathe
anymore from laughter, falling down every time
and of course nothing is
complete in our home these days without a superhero

to say dylan has been obsessed with all things
superhero lately is an understatement.
he's dubbed himself, super dylan, and more recently
superman dylan, because he's learned that
superman has a secret identity and no
one knows its really him when he goes and changes into his costume.
so tonight he had to have a cape
and do a little flying (although i don't encourage jumping off the couch
on a regular basis, i was feeling the moment)

i'm reminded in these type of moments that having and
making these memories are much more
important than a keeping my home spotless all the time.
i can say confidently i don't typically have a problem with those priorities
being switched, however, i sometimes find myself feeling self conscious over the decision
to not worry too much about it. but moments like these
help remind me why i'm making a good choice,
because one day, climbing up on my bed and
using their blanket as a cape won't be fun for them anymore
and i don't want to
miss out on the moments when they were.

Grahm Turned Two

grahm turned 2 on saturday. i continue to be amazed at how much

a child can impact a life.

we spent the day celebrating with blues clues, trains, mini golfing
more trains and lots of love and laughter.
i was so grateful to have my inlaws here to help
us celebrate. milestones like these
just aren't the same without family.

he was brought into our lives just when we'd need his love
his affection, his hugs, his unrelenting joy
and despite how momentary the blessing of him felt at
the time
he continues to amaze me as his joy increases
and his hugs multiply

yet he walks through life with such confidence, such peace
as if he knows who God is speaking him to be...
and i love that.

if you've met him,
you've become his friend.
he loves people, and he loves to love.
he is fearless, and loves to explore the world.

i am so grateful God chose me to be his mommy,
to place him in our care,
to love on him, to laugh with him
and watch God shape him.

Happy birthday bubba!